Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Welcome to the Fair!

Last night we visited the opening night of the Kiwanis Ogeechee Fair here in Statesboro....the kids had a blast, I ate ate my first fried snickers bar and we all went on the ferris wheel!  After I got home, I realized I had signed up to work (sorry everyone!).  We had a great time, saw some friends and lots of "interesting" folks, lol!

hey baby, wanna ride?

my favorite part of the Fair was the chickens of course!

my three little piggies!


Wednesday, October 3, 2012


Last Sunday my husband and I headed down the hall from our own Sunday School class to pick up the kids at their classrooms. He headed down the hall, but Sam's Sunday School teacher laughingly pulled me into the room.  She was covering her face, giggling and said "OMG, Sam is so cute.".  I apologized and said "What did he do now?".  Lol, always Sam. 

Seems Sammy was sitting next to her at Children's Church and was enamored by her "heart".  His exact words were "I lush (love, in Samanese) u heart." All the while RUBBING her boob.  Then he says, as he moves his hand over and discovers her other boob..."Oh u has two hearts.  I lush them.  They so soft.".

My response?  "Well, he was breastfed."

Reason 4, 356,783 why we are going to get kicked out of church.

Way to cop a feel, Sam. 


Thursday, August 30, 2012

The Princess and the Perfume Bottle

Today, Madi came into the craft room and she smelled like CK1. 

Me:  Madison, were you messing with Mommy's perfume?
Madi:  Yes.
Me:  Where is it?
Madi:  It's not dere. 

Ummmm.  Not dere?  Where is not dere?  Well it wasn't on the bathroom counter where it always is.
I have been cleaning all day, washing all the bed linens. 

Me:  Madi, where is my perfume?
Madison:  I want goldfish.
Me:  No goldfish, until I get my perfume back.  Where is it?
(insert sound of little feet running into my bedroom)

Madison:  In dere.

This here...is apparently "dere".

Ok well, let's see.
It was.  In dere. 

Me:  Madi?  Stay out of my bedroom.
Madison:  No.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

We don't do that on the kitchen counter.

After a fun-filled afternoon of swimming with the kids, I decided to get to harvesting all my sunflower seeds from the ginormous plants we grew this year. The kids had already bee-lined for the house after our swim, so I was harvesting by myself.  I picked two full buckets of seeds and headed in the  house to show the kids.  I found Jacob and Emma sitting at the computer watching Tom and Jerry, Sam (believe it or not) was just sitting at the counter and Madi was standing on my kitchen countertop. 

{listen, get that horrified look off your face.  I KNOW your kids also climb on your countertops to get to the cookie jar.  Stop lying to everyone}

Me:  "You got a cookie, honey?'

Number 5:  "Water."

Me:  "Water, what water?'.

Number 5:  "It's wet."

Then I see that there's water all over the countertop.  I grab papertowels to start cleaning it up. 

Me:  "Who spilled water here?" 

No answer from Numbers 2-4.

Mid paper towel swipe I realize Madi's in her swimsuit.  Madi isn't potty trained.

Number 5:  "I pee-pee."



Monday, July 2, 2012


RIP Ms. Daisy. 

Why my husband is not allowed to take the children out by himself.

I had to work last night until 1 am.  When I came home, hubby was waiting for me in the chair.  They had gone to a our church's Family Fun Nite at The Clubhouse here in Statesboro.  I asked how things had gone, and he said "Fine, until...{insert Sam's name here}".  Sam, it's always Sam.  Sigh.

Here's my understanding of the story.....

Hubby was sitting with Madi watching the other three play in the ball pit.  Jacob and Emma came running over, but not Sam.  Hubby inquired of Emma where Sam was.  Her response..."I can't find him."  {here's where my mom radar would have gone into overdrive....missing child alert!}.  So hubby says he gets up and starts heading over to the ball pit.  He see's another church dad waving him over.  He said "I thought he wanted me to bowl with him."  Not so, honey.  Here comes Brother Wiggins, who leans over to my husband and says this.......

"Your boy is naked in the bathroom."

Fast forward to the bathroom scene.  Four kids in the mens room of the Clubhouse.  Emma is holding her nose.  Sam is {of course} naked.  There are flies and he is freaking out.  Hubby told him it's his odor that is attracting the flies.  There is poop in underwear, poop on the floor.   {does this sound familiar??} Brother Wiggins shows up with a bottle of spray and some paper towels.  Hubby said other random church dads are knocking on the door to check if he's ok.  Madi has strapped herself onto the bathroom changing table.  They are all in the handicap stall.  Sam is crying because he can't go play in the ball pit. 

I'm thinking Sam is a party animal.  He showed up fully clothed and left in a diaper and sneakers. 
How much fun did he have???

I'm going to be doing alot of apologizing this weekend at church. They just don't UNDERSTAND Sam.  He is MISUNDERSTOOD. 


And that folks, is why my husband is not longer allowed to take the children out by himself. 



Wednesday, June 27, 2012


Elaina Brooke Weiss
June 27, 2012
7:47 pm
6 lbs 10 ounces
19 inches long

Nick and Elaina

Miranda and Elaina

welcome baby!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

updates from the house...

the bouncy house is dead {compliments of one puppy with long claws}
the tomatoe plants are dead and coming out today.
i've harvested all my carrots.
i've been canning and baking.
we had a campfire.  {ahhh, so nice}
my fish like to eat leftover marshmallows.
i haven't caught the turtles.
only one of my chickens is laying eggs :(.
i finally cleared my pool up. {yeh}
my zucchini plants are growing.
my pumpkin turned orange.
i got my haircut and i'm mad about it. 
i just finished reading Not a Fan.
i am infatuated with books by Joel Olsteen.
i want to go to the beach.
i got rid of the flies.  {thank God}

what's going on at our house?


Wednesday, June 13, 2012


Rest in peace Kim.  We will always remember you and your smile.  The Lord will watch over your husband and children.  This morning was sunny and beautiful here and I know it's because you woke up in Heaven this morning.....God bless.


Saturday, June 9, 2012



Cost of bouncey-house:  $35.00
3 hours of playtime without interruption:  Priceless.

bounce on children, bounce on!


Friday, June 8, 2012


Jacob and his rescued feline, Monkey. 
(who is also the mother of the 5 kittens we have now inherited)

Sassy little girl!

Shirts and shoes, Madi.
You've been eaten by enough ants!

Jacob named him Garfield.  Lol.

Little white kitty :)

Dog vs Cat, who will win?
I've seen the cat in action!

Just some random pics from around the house!

Happy day!



Here he is (I think, cause there's ANOTHER one in the pond too)

He hisses and snaps...and is now living elsewhere!
Sorry for the hook, buddy, but you ATE my duck!



VBS with a friend!

Today is Emma's last day at VBS with her friend Katie Ann!  Thanks to the Shaver family for inviting her along for the week...the girls had a blast!



Monday, May 28, 2012


ok, so someone please tell me why people who choose to get messed up on drugs and alcohol think it's ok to assault people?  bad choices=consequences.  see you in the jailbird weekly!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Last Day

Tomorrow is bittersweet for me.  Tomorrow is the last day Emma will be a kindergartener.  Tomorrow is the last day Jacob will be a first-grader.  They are growing, learning, exploring this world.  As happy as I am to watch them blossom, I miss the baby days.  I wish I could just slow down time and enjoy it.  Enjoy EVERY MINUTE OF IT.  Not worry about housework, or work or anything.  Just watch them and savor each silly, outrageous, leave me flabbergasted moment.  I turned my head for a moment, and they've grown. 

It's a reminder from God to slow down.  Slow down and enjoy these little works of art that we've created.  You can't go back, but you can enjoy the MOMENT. 

I know I'll cry tomorrow, but that's ok with me. 

I love them more than words could ever tell you.



Wednesday, May 23, 2012

My Top 5

I stumbled upon Anna over at My Life and Kids one afternoon and laughed at the Finding the Funny posts until I nearly peed myself.  I even contributed some of my own funny posts (mostly about Sam's poop and How my husband nearly let me die of vertigo).  Today I offer to you my favorite 5 posts from this weeks "Finding the Funny".....so without further adeiu, here they are!

1.  You show your ass, I'll show mineI
     (because I'd do this to my kids)
2.  Exploding Pants and my Bagel Belly
     (It really does look like a bagel!)
3.  My neighbors might be cannibals
    (I swore my neighbor had bodies in his basement, and Polish prostitutes in his attic)
4.  Suggestions for men
    (because they need all the suggestions they can get!)
5.  Mrs. Ventura when nature calls
    (because I can just visualize him doing it)

Please visit Anna and Kelly over at Finding the Funny every Wednesday.  Share your own bad parenting moments, oddities and hellacious neighbor stories.  To see the total list of this weeks Finding the Funny, click here!

Thank you Anna and Kelly for keeping it real!



Tuesday, May 22, 2012

How to wash a chicken.

Ok, so how I got to wash my chicken isn't very funny.  The actual washing the chicken part is though. 
Our dogs (Molly and Thor), have decided to become chicken stalkers.  Molly, you see, is a rescue dog.  She was found in a trailer park in Ludowici, GA.  I picked her up from the current owner in the parking lot of a Clyde's Market in some little town I can't recall the name of now.   Need I say more.  I am sure she has chased more than a few chickens and eaten them as well in her day.  She also ate one of her babies.  She's a killer, what can I say?  And Thor, well, Thor is Molly's baby, so I guess she's just trying to carry on the family tradition. 

Thor is only 11 weeks old.  He's been jumping at the chickens and they'll peck him in the eye and well, then he'll leave them alone.  Well last weekend the man and I were building the duck house and the dogs were barking.  I realized they had a chicken trapped under the deck.  Lulu is quite the survivor though.  Had it just been the pup, she wouldn't probably just pecked him in the eye and left.  She had Molly to contend with too.  She was outnumbered.  The Man got the puppy out and I rescued the chicken. 

Lulu was pretty beat up.  They tore her neck and wing and ripped out ALOT of her a tailfeather's.  I figured she would die.  Well, the next morning, still looking beat up, she was still alive.  I sent my husband for the antibiotic ointment after Googling "how to care for a mauled chicken". You seriously, can find anything on the internet.  So, now I had to wash her.  To get the dog saliva off and prevent infection.  Okay.  One bucket with warm soapy water...check. One wash basin....check. Towel to dry....check.  Now you can't wash a chicken like a dog.  They have feather's so I kind of poured water over her and tried to clean up the wounds.  She kept falling forward in the basin.  I held her tight too, because she will flap the crap out of you with her wings.  But I kept on, dunking and rinsing, determined to help her stay alive.   I probably will never, ever eat chicken with skin again...lol.  Then I busted out the tube of antibiotic ointment and smathered it all over her.  So, now she's a wet, pathetic, beat up chicken covered in ointment.  She probably won't win any 4-H contest, but hey!  She's alive!  The other thing I didn't know is that when chickens wounds heal they turn green.  It's not gangrene, it's just how they heal.  So, today she is looking delightful because she is covered in ointment and turning green. 

So she's living in the upstairs condo of the chicken house so her sister's don't kill her.  Did you know chickens are cannibals?  They are.  They kill the injured, the sick, the weak. 

I am sorry to report that Thor and Molly have continued on their killing spree though.  They lured Shirley, Laverne's sister, under the same deck and did away with her.  The Man found her.  Needless to say the chickens are all in the henhouse for good.  No more free ranging girls.  Sorry.

I hope this post has been helpful to any other's who have killer dogs and chickens.  Maybe my instructions will end up on the Google Search. 



Damn flies

We have a fly problem here in Georgia.  They are almost as bad as the gnats here.  I even hung one of those smelly bags that is supposed to lure the flies to it (it's filled with some disgusting blob of what I assume is rotting meat and you add water to it to really bring out the stench) on our deck.  Let me go back and tell you that I first hung it in my laundry room, before I realized the stench that it let's off.  We'll just say the door was open for a long time (letting in yet more flies!) and I used ALOT of Lysol.  Now, back to the original idea for the post.  These flies.

I hate a fly.  I really do.  They sit on poop.  We have two dogs, so they sit on alot of poop around here.  They buzz around you.  They sit on your sandwich (after they sit on poop).  They spit on their food.  They serve no purpose.  Except to gross me out and make me curse.  So I walk around all day with a fly-swatter saying "Damn flies!" 

This morning I realized I should not be so verbal about my hatred for the flies as Sam (who is 4) was walking around the dining room table saying "Damn flies!".  Score one for me. 

I still hate a fly though. 



Friday, May 11, 2012

First swim

Yesterday I caught Daisy and Donald {yes, we did re name them!} and loaded them up in their traveling bucket for a quick swim in the pond. Let me just say, they are REALLY hard to catch!

They took to it like, well, ducks in the water!
Daisy is on the left, Donald is on the right.

They dipped their heads in, but mainly stayed near the water's edge.
Once, they both swam super fast to get under the trees.

I assumed they were done when they came up on the shoreline.
I kept the dogs at bay with a broom (haha) and escorted them back to their pen.
Hopefully, I will have their new home (closer to the pond) ready by next week.
They are so sweet and they grew so quick!

happy friday!


Wednesday, May 9, 2012


Madi just walked by me in the kitchen.  She was trailing something behind her.  Something long.

The trail led into her bedroom and ended with her.
Hmmmmm.  Smells minty fresh.

Show me.  Now.


Now Madison.

Guess I'll be going to the store for more dental floss.



Tuesday, May 8, 2012


Remember last week when all the kiddies has a stomach bug?  Like a good Mom,  I spent a few days feeding them Emetrol to help settle their little tummies.  Emetrol also has a side effect {so I discovered} it seems to stop up little kids.  Especially little kids named Sam. 

Hi, I'm Sam.

When I left for work on Sunday night, Sam was moaning and groaning on the pot.  Standing up, holding his butt.  He had a big old belly and needed to take care of some business.  I assured my husband it would all work out and left.  The following day, he seemed to be ok, but I texted my husband and asked him if Sam has done "his business".  His answer, "a little".  Hmmmm.  So I'm chatting on the phone with my friend Jessica.  We are laughing and joking about our jobs.  I hear some groaning.  I go into the bathroom to find a naked Sam.  {he always poops naked, what can I say}  Well, he's not pooping, he's squirming.  I reassure him, sit him back on the pot, head out to the family room and go on with my conversation.  "Blah, Blah..."  I stop mid sentence and say "Jessica, you are not going to believe what Sam is carrying".  "WHAT ARE YOU DOING????" I scream at him.  There in both his little hands is a big old doodie.  "I pooped in my hand." Why, yes, yes Sam I can see that, I say. "Jessica?,  I have to go. Sam just shit in his hand."  Shower, new clothes.  Promises to mommy that he will not poop in his hand again.  I have some yard work to do.  I head outside. 

My weed trimmer line breaks and I need a screwdriver from the laundry room.  I see Sam standing at the family room window.  He's trying to get my attention.  But there's something else.  Something on the window.  Something smeared down the window.  And it's brown. 

I open the patio door and am hit in the face with the smell of doodie.  Big doodie.  And it's all over Sam's fingers.  Again I scream "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?????"  He runs toward the bathroom and I see it dripping down his legs.  Little poopy footprints all over the carpet and a big old doodie turd lying lifeless outside the bathroom door.  I look into the bathroom and there's Sam, naked except for his Iron Man t-shirt looking like he just went to town with a bowl of chocolate frosting.  Only, it's not frosting folks.  It's down is legs.  It's on the toilet.  The doorknob.  The shower door.  {I took a picture of him to save for when he's 16 so I can show it to his girlfriend.  I can't show it here, but be sure I texted it to his dad and my friend Jessica.}  Let's just say I think there was some manual disimpaction going on while I was outside.  Another shower.  More promises to mommy to not poop in our hands, or try to remove poop from ourselves.  We take our poop from booty to potty.  That's it.  No middle-man. 

So here's my warning to you mother's.  Let your kids vomit and have diarrhea.  Don't try to stop it with medicine.  Just grin and bear it and remember that you won't have to deal with a stopped up kid a few days later.  Or doodie on your windows.  If you are looking for me, I'll be steam cleaning the carpets.  Again. 



Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The sickness

Yesterday dawned foggy but within a few hours the haze had cleared and the sun peeped through.  We spent the day in the pool, laughing playing,  having a great old time.  Little Sammy, so cute in  his swim trunks.  Mr. No Butt and big old belly.  (Boy, his belly really is big today.)  But somewhere, under the waters lie THE SICKNESS.  Going on about our day, we didn't know it, but it was lurking.  Waiting. 

Right before supper, Sam decided to paint his hands purple with a marker.  He didn't want anything to eat.  I snapped a pic and sent it to his dad.  So innocent and sweet, cherub smile, sweet golden hair.  He was playing with the { naked }Baby Alive in the corner and I was cleaning up the dinner dishes in the kitchen.  I heard the scream.  Hands outstretched he was crying and reaching for me.  Baby alive was covered in it.  My chair was covered in it.  The cursed beast that every mother fears.  Curdled milk vomit.  IT WAS ONLY THE BEGINNING.  I ushered him into the shower where two more spews went down the drain.  Thank God.  Onto the couch, a quick text to my husband to "drive faster".  He looked content, a little green, but content on the couch.  He appeared at the back door to meet us on the deck  Smiling.  Always smiling.  He ducked back inside. 

There it was again.  The screaming.  I ran into the door to find him spewing forth like a fountain.  Upset and scared he was JUMPING UP AND DOWN AND FLINGING HIS HEAD ALL AROUND.  The "beast" flew all around, covering my newly washed curtains, sticking to my dining room chairs.  I yelled at him (not because I was mad, because I wanted him to stop flinging vomit about) "STOP JUMPING!!!!"

Jacob came running in from the living room, let out a few gags and announced to everyone that "that really stinks".  Madi stood outside the patio door, fingers pinched tightly over her nose.  Emma just stayed outside. Jacob had alot of questions about vomit.  "What's in it?".  "Food, Jacob, lots of food."

One of the girls was wearing only a t shirt.  (I was in the middle of changing a diaper when I heard poor Sam's screams)  I got poor Sammy into the shower again and announced to the rest of them that the "NO TOUCHING ANYONE" rule was in full effect.  Jacob told Emma to get away from Madi because she might havewhat he called "the sickness".  I mopped, I bleached, I wiped, I steam cleaned the mess away.  After about two hours, I finally got to use the bathroom myself.  And guess what?  No flush.  Broken.  Really??? 

It didn't end there.  How much can a kid this size hold?  0130 am brough another onslaught.  Thankfully the morning hours seem to have settled for little Sam. 

I know more of the SICKNESS is coming though because I caught Madi drinking out of Sam's cup this morning.  It's only a matter of time.  Just a matter of time.  The SICKNESS is there.  Waiting.  Lurking. 



Monday, April 30, 2012

at the rodeo!

Saturday nite we had tickets to the 2nd annual Kiwanis Statesboro Rodeo!  Can you say yee-ha?
Danny didn't get to go cause he got stuck on call :( but I loaded the four heathens up and off we went.

My favorites were the bucking bronco's and the bull riding.
Emma didn't like how the cows "smelt."

We sat on the sunny side of the arena, so amy pics are not good.
They put on a great show, lots of bedazzling belt buckles!

Hopefully they will keep this on..it was a great event for the kids and adults!



After 7 years...

....it has finally happened.  We no longer have a crib in the house, a little sad, but a little happy.
Sam (imagine that!) broke Madi's crib rail so yesterday we went to get her a toddler bed.

And with that, our baby days are over. 
Next step, getting the last one out of diapers!




Monday, April 23, 2012

Thor:  7 weeks old

Hanging out with his peeps....

"I holdin him"....all the time Sam, we know.



Chilling like a villian.